Let Go of What Was

I was an Intensive Care Nurse for over 15 years, and it is HARD to let go of what was. I cared for the sickest of patients, day in, day out. Cardiac Intensive Care, Neuro Intensive Care, Medical Intensive Care, Trauma Intensive Care, Surgical Intensive Care… A-L-L the Intensive Cares.

I LOVED my job, I LOVED my patients and my colleagues.

I was knows as, what you’d call, ‘Super-Nurse’. Give me the sickest patients, the challenging families, the drips, the chaos, the hard stuff. I’d raise my hand for committees, I’d precept new Nurses. I’d do it all, and I thought I did it awesomely!

I Thought I was Caring for Myself

At the time, I thought I was caring for myself. I worked out 5 times a week, I ate right, I took time off.

And then something startling happened. I started feeling anxious before work, thinking about going to work on my days off, and how I hoped they’d call me off. I also started to lose patience, with my colleagues and myself. I even started to feel exhausted, wanting to sleep all the time. And the worst thing, was the apathy. I began feeling like, who cares, not me, I don’t care. And I had trouble making decisions too.

All of this, the anxiety, no patience, exhaustion, apathy and inability to decide hit me like a ton of bricks!

NOOOOOOO!

No One was Talking about Burnout

No one was talking about burnout, compassion fatigue and exhaustion over ten years ago. No one. So, I kept on, trying to hide all the classic symptoms of burnout. Until it all came crashing down.

And one day, after years of contemplation, I left my beloved Nursing job and became the Health and Wellness Director at the local YMCA. All my years of Nursing, down the drain.

I left out of desperation and exasperation and because no one saw the classic signs and symptoms of burnout in me, and no one tried to help me. And I didn’t know how to help myself! Annnnd, I never really realized that I was more than just a physical body, and I had been neglecting all the other facets in myself. Like spirituality, environment, relationships, my mind and my health responsibility.

I Found an Article

It was during this YMCA job that I found an article co-written by Nurse Theorist and Founder of the International Nurse Coach Association, Dr. Barbara Dossey, called “Integrative Nurse Coaching for Health and Wellness” (2012).

The words and the feelings brought to my heart as I read the article had me in tears, and I instantly signed up for the Integrative Nurse Coach Certificate Program in 2012, and began my journey into healing because of this program.

I’d like to share with you a little bit of my story in my podcast, Integrative Nurse Coaches in ACTION! Episode 46 called, Letting Go of Critical Care to Find Nurse Coaching.

Vulnerable, Joyous

It’s a vulnerable, joyous and open story of parts of my life and how I’ve evolved as a human and Nurse over the years because of the tools, the community and skills I’ve learned through Nurse Coaching.

Click the photo to listen. And once you’ve listened, please leave a positive comment on the podcast to share what you think. I’d love to hear from you.

xo Nurse Coach Nicole